We all know the Commonwealth Of Kentucky has faced huge budget shortfalls over the past several years, and so have many other states. But look just to the east, and you’ll find a state considered, without a doubt, to be one of the epicenters of poverty in the United States.
I speak of the beautiful state of West Virginia. I admit a love and bias toward the Mountain State since I was born there and lived there prior to my move to Kentucky almost 15 years ago. But I also know how much poverty lies within its borders. So, imagine my surprise and shock when I discovered West Virginia is facing—just seven months into the latest fiscal year—a budget SURPLUS of $241.1 million. HOWZAT again? That’s righ,t a surplus, and a hefty one at that.
Now, I love both states, so I thought and I thought. Kind of like Winnie The Pooh thinking about how to get the honey out of the jar. I think I have a great idea.
Let’s MERGE! That’s right–combine all of our strengths and become a super state! (or Commonwealth-I’ll let the politicos decide that one). Think of it! We get the WVU Mountaineers and Louisville Cardinals-both mainstays in the consistently mediocre Big East. We can merge the schools and OWN that conference. (Or at least the middle of it.) While we’re at it we’ll merge UK and Marshall and dominate nothing except SEC basketball. (Sorry but some things just never change).
West Virginia has the only scenery that matches Kentucky in my eyes, so putting the two together just makes perfect sense. We’ll keep the Derby Festival, and also have the Forest Festival. The Ham Festival and Ramp festival will now call our combined state home. Can’t wait to see buckwehat pancakes served at the Governor’s Derby Breakfast! We’ll make some other changes too like singing “Country Roads” before the Derby along with “My Old Kentucky Home.” I promise you’ll cry when they play that one too. I do!
Oh, and make sure West Virginia brings along the budget surplus too, cause you know here in Kentucky we just can’t seem to manage our money very well at all!
NOW-what should we name our new creation?