Traffic gremlins? What’s yours?

Hurrying up and waiting on Hurstbourne. Photo: Broken Sidewalk

Enough is enough. Greg Fischer’s No. 1 job as new mayor of Louisville has nothing to do with bridges, budgets, figuring out why the Kentucky Derby Festival eliminated Iroquois Park from the Mini Marathon (toughest job the man has been faced with so far, I’m certain) or who the head dog catcher in town is going to be. No, his main priority should be working on finding someone–some computer–to keep our streets and traffic flowing as smoothly as one of his silk ties.

Sounds trivial, I know, but what in local politics isn’t, really? Seriously, I think Louisville may have the longest stop lights on planet earth. Today I sat at a light at Hurstbourne Lane and read A Time to Kill–twice. I counted 13 cars behind me before the light turned green after six and a half minutes of waiting. And when the light did turn green, only four of the 13 cars were allowed to move before the light turned red! It was as if someone was standing behind a tree humoring themselves with a trick switch.

Surely Henry Ford didn’t, even in the deepest recesses of his brilliant mind, have the idea that a car could also serve as a library. But basically at that light that’s what it seemed to be. Two ladies texted on their blackberries, three men talked on a phone, and another kid read the newspaper. From my side mirrors I couldn’t see what the rest where doing, but that’s because I kept turning the pages on John Grisham’s best novel.

So it got me to thinking about what other intersections in Louisville drive a driver crazy. Suddenly others came to mind. Suddenly many others came to mind:

– Hurstbourne Lane and Linn Station Rd. Ladies, get out the nail polish. You’ll have time to do your toes if you want.
– Third Street and Woodlawn Ave. If you want to turn left to mail a letter, you have all day. Take your time.
– Breckenridge Lane and Dutchman’s Lane. Bring a picnic basket.
– River Road and Zorn Ave. Better to take a boat, especially during rush hour.
– Preston Hwy. and Fern Valley Road. If there was a drive-in theatre there, you could watch Fiddler on the Roof.
– Shelbyville Rd. and Blankenbaker. Hell, don’t really care about this light. It’s in the east end. They get what they deserve.
– New Cut Rd. and Old Third. Traveling east, good fnnnnnng luck, is all I can say.
– Preston Hwy. and South Park Rd. Don’t take that shortcut around the Jefferson Mall. I warned ya.

I know these are just a few of the many others out there, but my time is about up and I’ve got to go because the light is changing–finally!

Anyhow, if you have you own personal traffic gremlins, please voice them, then we’ll send the list to our merry mayor for inclusion in his list of things to do, that is after he figures out the mess down at the offices of the KDF, where all the lights are out.